Death-sticks at the first Thanksgiving. I’m kidding.
There’s not much to do in the garden over the winter. This season’s fun comes from the seed catalogs, which arrive in a steady stream from now until March. Because of these catalogs, winter is also the most expensive time of the gardening year. I’m busy leafing through the pages; my husband is busy throwing out the mailings as fast as possible.
This year, I saw a spread that I’ve never seen before. Tobacco is the new ‘in’ plant.
If you’re a gardener, you’ll know what I mean. Fritillaria, stevia, decorative cabbage. There are trends in what’s cool to plant. Tobacco will be 2014, or 2015 at the latest.
But the tobacco trend isn’t just about looks. There’s something darker going on here, and to explain this darkness here’s an excerpt from the tobacco sales pitch:
As it spread, tobacco became known as an herb of amiability, conviviality and a degree of intoxication. Today usage patterns have changed to the habitual consumption of mass produced, chemically enhanced cigarettes, with deleterious health impacts. Growing and harvesting your own plants can serve as a transition away from dependence on packaged, highly taxed, smoking materials.
My first thought as I read this was: “Wow. It’s becoming like pot.”
Which isn’t quite right, is it? Organically-grown, heirloom tobacco seeds, even the species variety, are becoming like methadone. They’re being touted as a treatment to your heroin-like cigarette dependency.
There are so many things wrong with this picture, but before I start let me lay out my cards. I don’t smoke, but half of my family does. My husband chews– those little ‘skoal’ pouches with hashed up leaves and fruity flavoring. Whether your smoke or chew, it’s an expensive habit because 1) the product itself is pricey and 2) your insurance premiums go up.
There are things I’d rather spend that money on than tobacco, however, I respect everybody’s right to choose to use tobacco, just as I respect their right to choose to have a drink or get a prescription from a shrink. I’m more comfortable being in the passenger seat next to someone who is a smoker, rather than a drinker or user of psychoactive medications.
And there’s the rub, because while tobacco seeds are sold as a ‘healthy’ alternative to a poisonous habit, grape vines are sold as a chic accoutrements to your micro-vinyard and the envy of all your less-landed baby-boomer friends.
Let me restate that: heirloom grapes are not a healthy alternative to a scummy drug habit. Heirloom tobacco, on the other hand, is.
How far we’ve come! In highschool, I remember reading Paul Johnson’s A History of the American People. He wrote about Brits being so disgusted by the spitoons around Congress (spitoons for the chew), that they missed the significance of the political experiment going on right before their eyes.
There was a time, some would say a better time, when the States were lead by local farmers who grew tobacco, did a hell of a lot of tobacco and practiced law on the side. Despite their nefarious chemical habits, these men came up with some sound ideas. Shocking, isn’t it?
I would say that now, on Thanksgiving ’13, the US of A is at a crossing point. Tobacco, a plant that has been smoked on this continent for a really long time is considered more nefarious than marijuana, a non-native plant which the Brits tolerated amongst their Indian coolies because weed kept them passive. (Think on that.) I’m left asking: “Why?”
Why do we go after Big Tobacco instead of Big Alcohol or Big Pharma? Is the problem with the people who own Big Tobacco? Or the people running Big Tobacco? Or is it the politicians that Big Tobacco supports, politicians who Michael Rabinoff, author of Ending the Tobacco Holocaust, identified as Margaret Thatcher, Howard Baker and George Mitchell. It’s funny that the industry suffered a state-sponsored gutting a few years after KKR, General Petraeus’ new teat, took one of the largest tobacco firms over in a hostile fashion. But that’s probably just a coincidence, right?
In conclusion: Today I am very thankful for the right to choose to smoke or not to smoke. I will go out of my way to thank people who exercise their right to smoke in the face of government-sponsored ostracism. Happy Thanksgiving!
